In the Shower with My Clothes On

This is where

I should have never left.

Born into the golden state

on an October morning at 10 am.

Endless coastline

Waves scrawling love notes across the shoreline

ocean meeting earth

running its fingers through her hair,

it’s all for her.

I am six years old

sitting between the both of them,

Trying so hard to break open seaweed bulbs

but I never could.

Down the street from here

Sits a tiny little townhouse

Hardly big enough for the four of us

And our floppy eared black lab,

no matter,

my big sister and I are outside

on the little front porch

constructing makeshift foliage homes

exclusively for little brown snails

Helix aspersa

“Garden pests”

my greatest of friends.

I decide

manzanita leaves make the walls

myrtle for the roof

rose petal beds for them to sleep on.

The neighborhood kids steal

my laughter,

my secrets,

my holographic Pokémon cards,

my first kiss

cooties contracted.

I told his mom

She laughs

I can’t believe it.

I’m back on the front porch again.

Led Zeppelin plays from the inside of my house

Intermingling with the ice cream truck’s jingle

It’s chaotic

I like it.

First kiss and I run down the street,

He’s two years older than me

He puts me on his shoulders

Together we are as tall as my dad.

Wobbly human tower about to fall

But we get the ice cream man’s attention.

We don’t have enough pocket change

So he sells us cheap candy cigarettes

Lucky Strikes

Sickly sweet chalk

Sugar smoke.

Obviously not real cigarettes

But this should still be illegal.

The southern California sun sets

Too sudden

Too soon.

Violet like the bruises on my knees

Bleeding into vermilion

Same color as my lip gloss

From my play make up set.

Street lamps flick on

Faint buzzing.

I smell slightly burnt tortillas

from my friend Andrea’s house.

Her mom is probably plastered again

her eyes brows are always drawn on

very chola.

My big sister drags me home

but not without me putting up a fight first,

Mom calls from the little porch

expediting the process.

I stomp the rest of the way.

This was the end of my day

also the end of my world

though I didn’t know it yet,

but leaving this place one year later

would be the end of my golden days.

This is where

I should have never left.